Blog 36: National Gobstopper Day

Hi there, Creative Writers, and happy National Gobstopper Day! You haven’t got any, you say? Well, get to the shop and buy some. I recall my dad telling me a tale from his youth, where a friend of his who had about five siblings, had to share a gobstopper between them. Once the colour changed, they passed it on to the next child. Perhaps this was a good idea. After all, those sweets can be pretty large for little mouths. The older children could have a go first, sucking down the size a little until it was perfect for the smaller members of the family. Can you imagine what my kids would say if I told them to share one?

I come from a family of chatty people and have often joked about getting my eldest daughter a constant supply of these particular sweets to keep her mouth busy, and I know my husband is secretly thinking the same about me. Okay, that’s not entirely accurate. He doesn’t make a secret about it; he huffs and quite blatantly tells me to be quiet and let him speak! Can you imagine? I feel I provide a public service by eliminating any possible awkward silences. I am really not appreciated.

Anyway, talking of talking, how confident are you when it comes to writing dialogue? It can be a little tricky, as we want it to come across as realistic, but if we write how we actually talk, then it doesn’t read particularly well with accents, repetition, and the erms and errs people say. Not to mention the information we put across should be done in a natural way. And we certainly don’t want our readers, like my hubby, wishing our characters would just shut up. The dialogue to narrative ratio needs to complement each other. So, how can we approach this to get good results that will feel realistic and engaging? Let’s talk it out: -

Dialogue and Action Tags

As you may or may not know, a dialogue tag is what is written next to the speech of characters, for example, he/she said being used by professional writers, such as Stephen King. Other tags, such as whispered, shouted, spat, shrieked, croaked etc can be used sparingly but it is always better to use your narrative to describe how the character is speaking.

These tags can and should be done in several ways. Using the same style, especially over consecutive lines can come over as robotic and boring. You can incorporate some action tags, where the reader is being told what the character is doing whilst they speak, but again if overused, it slows down the dialogue and can be exhausting to read. Here are examples of the various ways to tackle this: -

• Said – He/she (or character's name) said, “You have to be kidding me.” Or “You have to be kidding me,” he said.

• Action tags – Daisy took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?” (You will note here, there is no ‘she said’. Having started the sentence with ‘Daisy’ we know it’s her speaking, so a further dialogue tag after isn’t needed. As above, you can place the action tag at the end – “What time is it?” said Daisy as she took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes.

• Split dialogue – This is where what the character is saying is separated by a tag, which can also include action. For example, “Please don’t leave,” Charlie said as he grabbed her hand, his eyes pleading with her. “I need you.”

Mixing up the above styles can improve the flow. Check out the following conversation that uses only one style: -

Rob said, “It’s crazy, I don’t even remember doing it.”

Craig said, “Are you sure?”

Rob said, “Yeah. I just woke up there covered in mud.”

Craig said, “That’s trippy, bro. You sure you didn’t take something before you went to sleep?”

Rob said, “Come on, man. You know I don’t do that stuff anymore.”

It’s pretty monotonous, isn’t it?

Let’s take the scene above and mix it up a bit: -

Rob was shaking as he took off his coat. “It’s crazy, I don’t even remember doing it.”

 “Are you sure?” Craig said.

 “Yeah. I just woke up there, covered in mud.”

 “That’s trippy, bro.” Craig passed him a glass of water. “You sure you didn’t … take something before you went to sleep?”

He snatched the glass. “Come on, man. You know I don’t do that stuff anymore.”

What to leave out

You shouldn't bog your dialogue down with content that isn’t needed. Here are some things to avoid: -

• Small talk – good morning, hello, how are you, etc aren’t progressing the narrative and although they are things we say in polite conversation, they only slow down your scene, while the reader waits for the good stuff to show up. You need to incorporate content in the conversation that is relevant to what is happening and moves the story along.

• Names - if there are only two speakers, once you have made clear who’s speaking, there’s no need to repeat who’s saying what. Leaving the names out can speed up the momentum of the scene. Similarly, make sure you don’t overuse names in the dialogue itself. You wouldn’t continually use someone’s name when talking to them. Unless you live in my house and are trying to get people to listen to you! You may use names when adding an emotional element into it. For example, in anger, “How dare you speak to me like that, Danny!” Or in an emotional scene, “Clara, sweetheart, listen to me. Everything will be okay. I promise.”

• Info dumping – there’s nothing more tiring than reading a heap of information thrown into dialogue. It can be a fantastic way to put across what is happening to a character, who they are and give some back story. But it must be done in a realistic way. For example, you wouldn’t tell your friend about something they are already aware of. You would reference it, asking them if they remember what happened. You can always fill in the gaps in your narrative. Although maybe this is something that could unfold within the story, where you give pieces here and there and keep us guessing.

• Drawn out dialogue – usually it should be short and to the point. There will be times when a longer, more detailed piece of speech is needed, but this should be few and far between. Go over it and make sure it's as short and tidy as it can be.

Helpful tips

If you are still baffled and unsure what words to put into your characters’ eagerly awaiting mouths, read it aloud and ask yourself: -

• If you cut this or part of it out, would it be missed?

• Is it realistic? Can you imagine someone you know saying it? Does it flow nicely, or have you inadvertently written a tongue twister?

• Are you repeating yourself? If it’s been mentioned in the narrative or in a previous conversation, don’t go over the whole thing again.

• Does the dialogue of your characters reflect who they are? Think about where they’re from, their background and personality. Are they shy, methodical, emotional, undecided? Make sure to have these aspects come across. Do they use slang, get their words mixed up? Think about how you want each voice to sound to make it unique to them.

Try using the above tips to refine the dialogue in your current WIP or a previous story. The more you work on different elements in your storytelling, the better you will become.

How are you getting on with that gobstopper? I wonder if it will last until you read my next blog. Until then, keep sucking and bye for now.