Blog 18: Mental Health Awareness week

Today is a little different, as I am going to talk about a serious topic which is very close to my heart. Anyone who knows me well will tell you I am a huge advocate for mental health awareness. Therefore, it is no surprise that I have chosen to address this the day before Mental Health Awareness Week (12th to the 18th of May). I struggle with, but mainly manage, anxiety and depression, which means I prioritise self-care. But this isn’t the main reason it is so important to me.

I mentioned my mother in a previous blog, but what I haven’t shared is that she suffered with her mental health for the majority of her life. She had countless breakdowns over the years, which resulted in her having numerous stays in the hospital. It was awful seeing how it affected her; she was like another person. Some periods of illness, she would zone out and completely shut off from the world, as if she forgot how to communicate, move, or do automatic things, like eat and drink. A few times, it went on for so long that she had to be fed through a tube in her stomach. During other breakdowns, she would be delusional. Once she watched the news in the hospital ward when it was reporting about an arson of a family’s home, where the children died. She told us she had started the fire, despite us explaining there was no possible way it could be; she had convinced herself and was distraught, waiting for the police to come and arrest her.

The thing is, looking after your mental health may appear unnecessary or unimportant, but the fact is, your brain is your powerhouse; it controls not just your mind, but your entire body. Once that is pushed too far, it’s like a computer crashing, everything stops functioning!

My mum was brought up as a Christian, as was I, and it is all about being selfless and putting others before yourself. Which is a lovely idea; however, you also have to be aware of your limits. Because we are only human, we need time to rest and recharge, and we absolutely cannot be in a continued state of stress. I’m sure you have all heard the sayings, “pull yourself together,” “battle through,” and “stiff upper lip.” All of which imply that we should just keep going without complaining. Unfortunately, another thing Mum didn’t do was communicate when she was feeling overwhelmed or anxious; she would "soldier on!" And every time, this resulted in returning to the hospital, which could be for months or years on end. Sometimes she had to endure ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy), which sounds barbaric, but it was the one thing that got her back home and on the path to normality numerous times. In the end, she spent the last decade of her life away from my dad, in a nursing home, because with over fifty years of medication, it got to a point where her body was either immune to some tablets or was getting damaged by others, and as a result, doctors were unable to stabilise her.

As her daughter, it was terrible watching how the illness overtook her, and even worse for my dad. But it taught me a valuable lesson and made me determined that my children would never see me like that. I decided I would talk about it when I was struggling to cope and do something about it before it got anything like as bad as that.

But you will be pleased to hear that writing can be a great tool when it comes to mental health. I’ve always enjoyed reading and writing stories. You will find it no surprise that my favourite class in school was English, but, as happens to a lot of us, we grow up and don’t always follow those passions of our youth. Instead, we find ourselves in a job that will have to suffice to pay the bills.

It wasn’t until I went through a traumatic episode in my life that I reconnected with my creative writing. I found myself expressing my thoughts, feelings, and frustrations through poetry. They flowed out of me, helped me to process what was happening, and gave me a way to deal with it.

This led to writing fiction, then a Creative Writing degree at university, more writing, learning how to write scripts for film, plays and radio, graduating, and here I am!

We seem to have found ourselves in an age where no matter who you are, you can’t avoid being bulldozed by stress at some point in your life. We pile ourselves up with so many things and are always on the go. Writing can be an effective release or even a great distraction to put a stopper on those negative thoughts that can plague us and disrupt our momentum through life.

If you’re going through a tough time, have a go at writing down your feelings, try putting them into poetry, and share them with others. Chances are, they will know exactly how you feel, and your words will help them, and result in you feeling less isolated too. Or turn them into a story, use your experiences to make a world, where you are behind the wheel, and can create the ending. We can’t control the narrative of life, but we can control what we write, and it can be anything we want it to be. So, pick up your pen, your laptop, or your phone and write whatever is spinning around in that head of yours. Then step back and see what sort of story you can make from it.

But above all, look after yourself! It may mean learning how to say no. Even if you feel guilty about it, because you are no use to anyone if you keep saying yes to the point of overload. Make sure to incorporate things you enjoy into your week to help you relax and recharge. I listen to music, read, and have a workout schedule, which helps to boost my mood and give me time to myself. For you, it may be going out for a walk or a meal, having your hair done, chilling out in front of the TV, or just having a long soak in a hot bath. Be kind to yourself. We can judge ourselves far too harshly and make ourselves feel like failures. What would you say to someone else who felt the same way?

And talk! I really can’t reiterate this enough. Tell someone if you are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or depressed. A friend, a family member, or book an appointment with the doctor or a counsellor. Getting all those negative thoughts out of your head and voicing them to someone may not sound much, but unburdening yourself and putting it all into perspective with someone else can make all the difference.

For anyone dealing with mental health issues at the moment, here are some numbers you can call in the UK:

• The Samaritans at 116 123 for 24/7 emotional support

• The CALM helpline at 0800 58 58 58 between 5pm and midnight every day

• For urgent situations, NHS 111

• You can also take yourself into Accident and Emergency to get

immediate help.

I hope today’s blog hasn’t been a downer for you guys, but it is too important not to talk about, and perhaps it was something you needed to hear. I will catch you next week with something a little lighter. Until then, take care.